I can hear you, you know. Hovering just out of sight. Trying so very hard to be quiet, unseen, hidden. I know you watch me, that you listen to every word I say, that you breathe the very air I exhale. What I don’t know is why, or who you are? You’ve always been there, always, as far back as I can remember you always have been. Do you come out when I sleep? Are you there?
The doctors told me you’re not real. That it’s my imagination. That’s what I get for telling anyone about you. This room is…. uncomfortable. Stupid people, I was in bed, asleep. I had written in my diary before bed, about that awful man. But it’s not as if I’m the one that killed him! As if I could do something like that! They gave me a shot, for my own safety….Are you there?
How? How am I supposed to have attacked that doctor? I was stuck here! In this fracking room! The door was locked for fucks sake! But the orderlies saw me they said. Wait I hear people coming…. What the hell? No! Get away from me! It wasn’t me! Please! Someone help me! It wasn’t me! Please! Are you there?
I don’t think I’ve seen anyone in a couple of days. I’m hungry, and very thirsty. I heard screaming, and something else, but I don’t know how long ago that was…. I hid when I heard it. As well as I could anyway, I sat down in the corner by the door. I didn’t think whatever was making that other noise would see me there. There’s still someone, or something, out there but my door is locked and I think whoever (whatever) it is doesn’t have the key. Oh please won’t someone help me….Are you there?
I hear the key turning in the lock. Please let it be help….but what if it’s not? Oh dear god I’m scared. This jacket holds me tight and I can’t defend myself. Please, are you real? I can’t feel you with me with these drugs inside my head. I’m alone, and I’m scared. The door is going to open and I don’t know who’s outside. I need you to protect me, oh please…Are you there?
The video camera showed me inside of my room the entire time, wrapped up in a straitjacket. The ones in the hallways showed me there as well, killing all those people. Now they believe me, that it wasn’t me. I moved often enough and she was wearing real clothes, not the stupid hospital gowns. They saw my terror as I heard the screams. Damn meds should be out of my system completely in a day or two. I have to know…Are you there?
I can hear you again. Hovering just out of sight. Trying so very hard to be quiet, unseen, hidden. I know you watch me, that you listen to every word I say, that you breathe the very air I exhale. The thing is now I know why, now I know who you are. You’ve always been there, always, as far back as I can remember you always have been. Thank you so much for protecting me. Are you there?