I’m meant to be writing a companion piece to one that Mel just posted. I’m meant to be, and I will, but this has to be said. I can’t keep the thoughts inside any longer. You see I have a secret. Shhhh… don’t tell! I can tell you, I know you’ll keep it close to your chest.
You see, until recently, I was a mushroom. I was in the dark, & fed a steady stream of bullshit, until I was no longer certain what was real and what was…not.
Now I’m not going to lie, I won’t claim that I am out of the darkness into the light. I have one thing I believe with complete & total conviction; if I love you I will not lie to you, if I don’t I have no reason to lie.
What happened was my sister by choice, decided that I was hiding away far too much for her liking. So she dragged me, kicking & screaming I might add, onto Twitter. Once there I poked my head out of the shadows, just a tiny bit. When nothing scary or disturbing occurred, I allowed myself to begin to talk to some of the people she already knew. Now some of you are already aware of this. You are after all some of the first I met. And when I put myself out into the light, just a toe really…ok fine, a stiletto heel, & silk stockings, you did not seem shocked or offended by my choices.
As time went past, I met more folks willing to accept me for me. I was beginning to feel more secure, & ventured a little further into the light. As I came more into the sisterhood, adding a brother here or there, I felt braver. I met some amazing people, & even found one I would keep should the choice be my own, my Sir. (That is another tale for another day.)
Then it happened, I met our #DarkRoyals & instantly the lovely #LadyDi became a key member of my family. A sister before I knew anything about her, she simply stepped into my heart & chose her place. While I was reeling from the shock this caused me, I turned around into the arms of our #DarkKing. He held me for a moment, helped me regain my equilibrium, then pointed to another spot & claimed it as his own. As I looked at them both, confused & yet somehow feeling it was right, I noticed in the back corner an eye staring at me, I looked down & saw the gleam of his axe. How he got there I have no idea, but I’ll not evict him, he scares me. But my #BloodyBrother had chosen to come along & all I know is that someday we’ll have a chance to spar; perhaps I’ll even learn a few things before he decides to claim the remainder of my heart as his evening meal. I could discuss our #TOKFamily until my fingers drop off but they are not the end of this. Not even close.
Through them I began to meet more; people that I felt close to without even truly knowing them. I began to read a blog by The Crimson Quill. It began with one to do with our #DarkRoyals & as I quite liked it I began to read more as he posted them. Then I began going back through the archives. His writing style drew me in, closer with every read. He told me of his Crimson Family, of the Crimson River. He told me that he bled for those of us that appreciated his words, his honesty, his truth. He told us of his pain, his heartache, his suffering. He told us of his joy, his smiles, his strength. More so than even our Marcus, I began to fear this man, this Keeper.
I understood his words, I felt his pain, when he smiled I did as well, & I began to pull back. My corner was safe, hidden from view, he could not find me there, I would venture no closer to his Crimson River! I glanced back on my way into the comforting dark & saw that my toes were leaving little red prints, I was leaving a trail. I was not concerned however; after all why would anyone chose to follow? I am nothing special, I am just me.
As I walked into the darkness I realized I would have to leave behind some of the people I had collected. We would not all fit after all. Di simply laughed when I tried to move her, Matt gave me that look (you know which one I mean), & Marcus raised his axe high. I will admit I backed away quickly & decided that I should begin by evicting the one that was partly the cause of my retreat. And so to the Keeper I went. He looked at me, cut himself, & began to bleed again. I watched as he joined the River to my little trail, as the River diverted & followed my path. The Keeper reached out & took my hand, pulled me just a little bit back out of the dark, & told me that I could bleed or not by my own choice. That whatever choice I made would not change that I was a part of his River now, a part of his Family. I could read, offer thoughts, stay silent if I wished, or I could bleed. That was when I realized I was in the Crimson River, up to my ankles in the warm waters. Surrounded by my sisters & brothers; the Keeper still holding my hand, my #DarkRoyals behind me, & I suddenly found myself quill in hand, slicing gently into my own skin, adding a small amount of myself to the River.
I am still very much in the dark, the light still frightens me. The Keeper & my Family, offer a much more pleasant meal than I have had previously though. I will not lie to you, my fears are still here, still strong, still holding me tightly. But there are others holding on tightly now as well. I love you all, my Sisters & Brothers both, my #DarkRoyals, my Sir, my Keeper.
My Keeper, my hand remains firmly in yours. Shall we swim?